Making My Case That Your Brain is a Tiny Toddler Robot, and How to “Program” It Successfully

Our brain wants to save energy. It wants things to be easy. After all, we are all “cognitive misers” trying to reduce mental effort any chance we can get. So when deficits feel hard, our mind rebels. 

The problem is, “hard” is relative, and any changes to your patterns will initially feel different (and hard) because a change takes energy. Therefore you need to make it as easy as possible to be as lazy as possible within your deficit. Calm your brain down by giving it simple rules to follow, and remind it that it’s not going to die.

Think of it as a toddler. A toddler:

• Is driven by impulses. Its reward system and emotional centers are fully developed, but the prefrontal cortex, the “adult” brain that regulates the emotions, is still 20+ years away from being fully developed.

• It tests limits. If there’s any hesitation in an adult's response, they sniff blood. What can I get away with?

• It wants control. It’s not mature enough to have control, but that doesn’t stop it from making demands.

  
  

How do you reason with a toddler? You kinda don’t. You make them think they’re in control, set boundaries that their brain doesn’t even recognize it CAN test (ex: never giving them ice cream for breakfast so they never ask for ice cream for breakfast) and then give them simple choices to ease their fear that it is being completely controlled (ex: do you want pancakes or eggs?). After all, we all want a little autonomy.

As rebellious and impulsive and sometimes difficult as a toddler can be, they are also experiencing one of the most profound stages of brain development in which the brain is wiring itself more rapidly and effectively than in most other stages of life. This means that they pick up on things so quickly and can be “programmed”, if you will, to learn quite easily. (This is why they bring up the last instance where you said “yes” to ice cream but this time you’re saying no [what happened to the pattern?], but also why they respond well if the same rules are reinforced consistently over time.)

This makes toddlers a little (tiny, itty bit) like robots. Very emotional robots. 

And between the relationship between your more primitive emotional brain (that is constantly lured into temptation by our consumption-forward environment), your more mature (but easily fatigued) prefrontal cortex, and the power of neuroplasticity, your brain isn’t as different from a toddler as you think.

That’s right. Your “lower brain” is like my tiny toddler robot led by desire and simultaneously learning new patterns. And your prefrontal cortex is its exhausted parent who is constantly having to say “no” and negotiate new rules because you haven’t set the guardrails consistently yet. When your prefrontal cortex is already taxed by work, kids, adulting, or life in general, it has very little capacity to say no to our tiny toddler robot brains. (Think: whatever.. I’ll just have the dessert. Who cares… I’ll just reach into the bag). Upsetting it costs us way too much precious brain power that we are trying so desperately to preserve.

Photo Cred to ChatGPT. Pictured: Your tired prefrontal cortex trying to manage your impulsive, reward-driven brain centers that pick up on patterns, both good and bad, so easily.

If I just lost you with this ridiculous metaphor, stay with me.

When your toddler brain perceives a calorie deficit to be:

• Unpleasant/hard/boring

• A forfeit of total control

• A threat to your survival

  
  

You quit. Toddler throws in the towel. Just like they would if you dared try to drag them on errands with you and you didn’t somehow twist it into a special mission or adventure.

When you make your rules too wishy washy (ex: you can snack and eat anytime you want), your toddler brain takes full advantage, tests all the rules, and ends up taxing your adult “thinking” brain so much that it wants to quit. Not much unlike a parent who is unclear about whether or not their kid can have dessert after every meal (“Did I just hear them hesitate?!”), so the kid will ask if they, in fact, can have dessert every time they start or finish eating, driving their parent into an overwhelmed state of “Whatever, I don’t care! Eat the ice cream!”.

Yet we all know that as much as toddlers pretend to want impulsivity,  they actually thrive on structure because their brain wants to learn the “code” of what’s next so rapidly and they devolve so quickly when they are actually able to give into their impulses (not unlike ourselves). When their routine is thrown off (they stay up too late because they “don’t want to go to bed”, for example), they feel unsafe, less in control of their bodies, and dare I say… threatened. So what a conundrum this is. We, too, simultaneously want freedom and predictability. This is why we have to build a structure that gives us limits that keep us feeling safe, on firm ground, and prevent us from spiraling into a loss of self-control, but also allows us to ultimately feel like we have autonomy and agency.

In other words, we think we want the “fun food and drinks” whenever we want them, but ultimately we feel worse after we get them in the long run whether it's because they makes us physically feel slow or yucky, or because we feel guilty about abandoning our health goals or sense of efficacy in the pursuit of them. Conversely, we feel wildly better if we establish a nutritional pattern that never tempts us in the first place. We “want” to scroll, but we feel crappier afterwards than we would’ve if we never had the app in the first place. But we can’t deprive ourselves (gasp!) of the app, because what if we need to check it once in a while? We need our freedom! We are adults for cripes sake!

Take the example of “strict plans” given by coaches or fitness centers: they work for a short time. You are given a rule book, your toddler brain sits down and stops screaming out because it knows there’s no use in protesting, and you follow the rules. But when it persists for a long time and it feels hard compared to your typical lifestyle (I.e. you can’t eat the same meals as your family; you miss weekly “pizza night” traditions, etc.) you will exhaust yourself; your toddler brain will miss the impulsivity and “freedom”, and your adult brain will get tired of constantly exerting will power and will aim to seek out control of its own again.

It is a great irony how you can now probably see that this “freedom" to be impulsive can feel more like a prison, because it’s harder to actually exert your will power and control over your free-willed impulses. It's the same with those little toddlers. Saying yes to them in the short term makes it easier for five minutes, but boy does it make it harder to try to reign in the impulses later in order to help them learn healthy and consistent habits (like brushing their teeth, going to bed on time, and limiting their screen time). More freedom ultimately feels like less self-control because of that wily emotional toddler brain of yours bullying your adult brain into submission. But go too hard, too fast and give yourself too little freedom to tame the toddler? That might feel immediately “imprisoning” and exhausting, too.

So what is the sweet spot of fair and reasonable boundaries plus flexibility that will get you where both your adult brain and your toddler brain want to go? It takes pre-planning a fine balance, and it starts with structured guardrails (The Pillars) I know, your toddler brain already doesn’t like to hear this. But don’t worry, I’m going to give it some fun little codes (Fundamental Shift Tips) so it can be programmed to actually enjoy it.

So here are your deficit codes for your tiny toddler robot brain, demystified:

Part 1: Protect The Pillars. Really imagine your impulsive brain as a toddler. The pillars are the guardrails your toddler brain needs to stay structured in order to learn boundaries and never feel the need to throw a tantrum again because there’s no such thing as ice cream for breakfast and $300 toys each time you step into a toy store. And remember: deficits are temporary (think 2-6 weeks) until you cycle back into maintenance and enter a new deficit a few weeks later.

• Pillar #1: Three Meals Per Day. No Snacks. 

  • There’s a reason toddlers would snack all day if they could (and most probably do). Snacking is fun and rewarding. But when it’s hedonic, it’s sooo hard for your “adult brain” to stop. Don’t set yourself up for failure by opening the flood gates on the snacks. Just don’t do it. The urges will dissipate when the boundaries are set. If you’re desperate, have a handful of blueberries. Toddlers don’t binge on blueberries.

  • Make your meals count so this doesn’t feel like a sacrifice! Estimate your total energy needs and divide it by three, or eat slightly less at breakfast and lunch if you think dinner will more likely be a larger portion.

  • Spacing out your meals allows your insulin levels to come back down to baseline. You’ll likely actually feel satisfied and full after you eat, whereas snacking may prevent you from ever feeling satisfied, even when you’ve eaten a decent meal. You will likely even lose the desire to snack altogether because you’re psychologically and physiologically satisfied, and your dopamine-seeking brain is at rest because it knows the next meal will be satiating.

  • Not all hunger is in the stomach, and if your brain expects more, it’ll cue you to reach for more even if you’re not hungry. Giving yourself these boundaries quiets that part of your mind. 

  • If you aren’t sure how much to eat at each meal, measure out your portions and plug them into a calorie counter for the first two weeks (and the first time you have a new meal after that). Once you have an idea, don’t obsess over each scoop, but try to get the serving size right the first time. If your food is portioned correctly (i.e. lots of veggies), your plate might actually look huge, which is a great cue for satiety (as long as you eat it mindfully and slowly!). 

    
    

• Pillar #2: Don’t Take Seconds. 

  • What do toddlers always say? Just one more! One more book. One more episode. It’s the same when we are tipsy at a wedding: “one more drink”; “one more song”. Except we know it's never “just one more” once our adult brain (prefrontal cortex) is offline thanks to the effects of alcohol or stress and the toddler brain is driving the plane. No more, tiny toddler robot brain. One serving will be enough and oh, so satisfying.

  • Eat slowly so you can actually register feeling full, then walk away from the table. You’d be amazed at what some time and separation will do to your “hunger” and “cravings”. I don’t know about you, but if I take an extra scoop, it’s permission for my toddler brain to go for a third and fourth serving or just keep grazing. Like I said, make the first portion count. Make it look huge. Give yourself a good hearty portion so you don’t feel like you need more once you finish that last bite. ENJOY it while it lasts. If you eat mindlessly, you are more likely to get to the bottom faster and want more. Phones away, screens away, and be mindful of every bite.

    
    

• Pillar #3: Don’t Eat After Dinner. 

  • After dinner, the kitchen is closed. When I first started my deficit, I utilized a 10 hour feeding window (7:30a-5:30p) and it worked very well for me. However, it is less practical for me to sustain that over the long term. Therefore, I set a new rule which is simply to not eat after dinner, as that is when I do most of my grazing. This is especially because I eat dinner early. If I want something sweet, I’ll eat it immediately after my dinner as if it’s the same meal, but I don’t do this daily. It’s more of an occasional exclamation point at the end of my sentence, like when my dinner is particularly light or dissatisfying and I just need a handful of berries and a swirl of whipped cream to signal my brain to be done. Eating it immediately after dinner still keeps the guardrails in tact because I'm not opening up another opportunity for grazing or binging. Additionally, I'm still full from dinner so my "dessert" will be much smaller than if I had given myself time to digest.

  • As an extension of this, don’t eat within two hours of bedtime and try to delay your first meal until an hour after you wake up. This will allow you to tune into your feelings of hunger. You shouldn’t feel starving, but it’s good to allow your body to feel this sensation of hunger so you can tune into your body’s signals and also know that you are giving your digestive system some time to “rest”, especially in the evening.

    
    

• Pillar #4: Be Mindful Of Your Macros.

  • “Protein everything” is everywhere, but let’s keep it simple. You should have a quality source of protein (or protein powder as a substitute if a whole food source isn’t available) at every meal. Like, 25-40(ish) grams depending on your current weight and lean mass. That's 4-6 oz of chicken or lean beef or 1.5 cups of Greek yogurt. Follow my posts and you'll see what that looks like. Egg whites, Greek yogurt, cottage cheese, and lean meat are consumed at ludicrous levels in my house. We also have a lot of oatmeal, brown rice or quinoa, chick pea or lentil pasta, and sweet or regular potatoes, but the protein is always there and is always central. Avocados are a favorite fat, as are walnuts, fatty fish, and of course the naturally occurring fats in dairy products. If your toddler brain says, "but I NEED the pasta", keep your macro guardrails in tact and give your brain a choice: higher protein, higher fiber lentil pasta or chick pea pasta (Barilla is great for this!)? Once they are seasoned and mixed with all your delicious veggies and other protein, your toddler typically will get used to it and eventually not notice the difference.

    
    

• Pillar #5: Minimize Processed Food.

  • This is for no other reason than processed food tends to be easier to overeat and may cause a little bloat, which may slow your progress. They aren’t all bad by any means, but I know that it’s harder for me to stop eating crunchy, salty delicious things that come out of a crinkly bag. There’s a reason why all children love those cheddary, salty “fishies”, as my kids call them. 

Part 2: Set the Foundation with Daily Micro-Shifts

So what we have so far are some solid pillars, but most people know some of these things already. I bet you did. Where people struggle is with the small, hidden habits that hold the pillars up: the foundational micro-decisions that make this feel rewarding, not impossible. Just like toddlers need the silly tricks to keep them interested and autonomous while staying within the boundaries the parents set, you too need these silly, easy-to-practice “tricks” to make your environment as conducive to this shift as possible and your mental effort low. You need simple systems, routines, and shifts to make this achievable so you don’t feel like you are draining your will power every day to “diet”.  Restriction is the enemy of successful deficits; you must feel free and in control at the same time, otherwise your toddler brain will mutiny against you. So for the next several weeks, I will be providing some Foundational Shift Tips to provide you with the foundation to keep those pillars strong. Without the foundation to hold them up, even the largest, sturdiest beams will tip over. Let’s get you started with actual tips that will help you achieve what you’ve longed to achieve your entire life. Head to @shiftbodyco to follow along as I release one Foundational Shift Tip per day.